


C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h.

by a_pathetic0524



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Acceptance, Alternative Universe - Canon, Broken english, Completed, Friendship, Headcanon, M/M, POV : Ryota, Past Timeline, Ryota is a pure guy, Short Story, Taka basically mating called Toru during Portlands bedroom warfare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_pathetic0524/pseuds/a_pathetic0524
Summary: [COMPLETED | TORUKA | RYOTA'S POV] — “When I saw them doing it, I got an answer. At the same time I got more questions.“But there's one thing I know from the beginning: I'm stupid.”— When Ryota finds out his bandmates' relationship is more than a friendship between males, the generic question isn't what stress him. It is something more than that.—This is a ToruKa fanfiction from Ryota's POV based on my headcanon for how he reacted when he knew Toru and Taka are dating each other. Story is completed all I need is only translating from the original version.





	1. #1 Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER : Title : C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h. - ONE OK ROCK (album Zankyou Reference) 
> 
> Character(s) : ONE OK ROCK (Kohama Ryota, Kanki Tomoya, Moriuchi Takahiro, Yamashita Toru) 
> 
> Picture : ©instagram » koji_ueda 
> 
> Grammar would be bad still not perfecting English. Story will have some differences with the Bahasa Indonesia version (which is the first draft version of this story, I posted on wattpad). I hope the story would be good enough. 
> 
> This is a short-story divided into 5 chapters because the original version is 7 chapters of micro and flash chapters. 
> 
> I hope, you'll enjoy this. Thank you for reading, pardon me for trying being fancy ❤ Also ToruKa is Real ❤ 

 

_“When I saw them doing it, I got an answer. At the same time I got more questions._

_“But there's one thing I know from the beginning: I'm stupid.”_

 

—

 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Yosh, done!

“Everything will be alright.”

Ryota tapped both of his cheeks. Staring at his own reflection in the mirror, he smiled as wide as he could. "Weird." He sighed after he realized that when he smiled he frowned. If he acted this way, Toru and Mori-chan would realize there's something strange with him.

Inhale. Exhale. He lowered his head, tapping the floor with his right foot. One, two, three. The sounds were low, like the instrument he played in the band. Bass. The melody sounded like ‘Deeper, Deeper’. Too bad, his heartbeat were nothing as good as Tomoya's drum play.

Too fast and deafening.

It was really too fast. What if he got a heart attack?

Mm-oh-my goodness.

Why did he even think about that?

He ruffled the back of his head, making his shoulder length brown hair messier. If Mori-chan sees how messy his hair was, he bet that guy would say he looked like a bum. When the vocalist's own hair was like either bird nest or fried noodles. Not to mention their guitarist's hair did resembled uncooked ramen too. They'd smack his head if he says it. Although, somehow a strong smack to the back of his head is what he needed.

Again, he sighed.

Ryota wiped his face with his palm, then he pinched the space between his eyebrows. His hand trailed his neck, massaging the back of it to cease away the tiredness that refuse to leave him.

After he saw what happened between Toru and Mori-chan, it felt as if he lost his balance. It difficult even for smiling. It'd be so much easier to answer the hard questions in  _Monster Rock_.

He reached the sink's edge with both of his arms, putting his weight there as he bent. Looking at his own reflection, his thought replayed what he saw around 15 minutes ago.

“C'mon, Ryota,” he muttered. His forehead creased. “Don't act like this.”

They are best friends. They are family.

Everything should be okay.

 

—

 

Strolling in the corridor, sometimes he smiled and greeted the staff that walked pass by him. As they interacted, most of them knitted their brows, and then asked if he was all right. With his usual smile, he said:

“I'm fine.”

Perfected with a deep frown that made him dizzy. The frown must be why he got asked many times.

Ryota continued walking. “One OK Rock, One OK Rock,” he read what written on the papers taped to the center of the door or on the wall as he walked. In front of a door he stopped. His arms akimbo, and his focus fixed on the paper taped on the door.

‘ _One OK Rock, JinseixKimi arena tour 2013_ ’ Written in such a fashion, and in a smaller size compared to what written under it. Staff room.

2013.

It had been eight years since the band formed. Many things happened in the years. They suffered in the same sadness together. They celebrated the same happiness together.

Eight years also how long he knew Mori-chan. He remembered the first time Toru came to their rehearsal place, bringing an unknown, terrifying boy alongside him. Smile was absent from his face. The aura the teenager showed threatened him, he even took several steps back when their eyes met. That time, he wondered, for Heaven's sake, where did Toru found such a scary teen, and why he brought him to their place? Also, why such a petite teenager could be that scary?

One OK Rock's vocalist, that boy is. Since then.

“Mori-chan?!”

Morita. Moriuchi Takahiro.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Still scary, since then.

Ryota blinked in confusion, seeing the smaller guy who showed up from behind the now opened door. Took more than a year to get close to Taka—or Mori-chan as he called him. As they got closer, he found out, how despite scary when he mad, the scary teenager is really kind. Short-tempered, but gentle. A good friend. He is also a good cook, and an over the top pervert. 

Kids loves their vocalist for his mother-like attitude towards them. And, father-like when it comes to women. Mori-chan gave him ton of advice and strategies in 'how to get smoothly get closer to women'. Push-pull strategy. Push-push strategy. Or—yeah.

Funny when he thought of it.

He stared at the guy who once told him size was never a matter as long as it is real breasts. No silicon. “Toru isn't with you?” From the top of the vocalist's raven curls, he peered at the room behind the vocalist while caressing his beard as if he was the Wiseman from a roleplaying game. No one inside the room.

Mori-chan clicked his tongue. “Why asking?” He pushed him as he walked.

Staggered, Ryota tried to rhyme his steps with the vocalist. “I thought Toru would be with you.” He grinned, frowning. “What are you doing there? In the staff room? Why Toru isn't with you?”

Okay, Ryota, you asked too much.

“A... ah sorry.” He grimaced, when he realized how Mori-chan glared at him.

Why did he kept asking about Toru to Mori-chan? Tsk. Mori-chan would realize something wrong with him. Yeah, something wrong with his head.

“Ats!” He startled when the back of Mori-chan's palm landed hard on his chest. “Hurt,” he protested while caressing his chest. Please smack his head instead. Obviously, he can't ask.

“Since when you are this nosy?” Mori-chan snorted. “Manager called Toru, there're something they need to talk about.”

Ryota scratched his nape. “About what?” Tailing the vocalist, he entered their changing room. He closed the door. “Any problem with the stage? Or is it about the rehearsal?” Yeah, in an hour their rehearsal for today's gig started.

Rehearsal for Yokohama Arena. Day 1.

Mori-chan threw himself onto the long sofa. He leaned his back, and both of his legs on the table. “How should I know?” He shrugged. Without bothering to glance at him, he busy played with his smartphone. His thumbs danced on the screen.

“I see.” Ryota walked closer to the dressing table. He pulled a chair and positioned it to face the vocalist. Sitting there, he lowered his head. He played with his fingers, intertwining it with one another. From behind his brown strands, he peeked at the vocalist. Somehow the air became heavy. And, it was hard to breathe.

“Mori-chan.”

“Hm?”

He bit the inside of his underlip. There were strong pressures to his shoulders and his back. His heart pumped his blood faster, he could hear his own blood rushed in his veins.

“I saw it.”

For the first time after they entered the room, Mori-chan laid his attention on him. He could see the vocalist's jaw hardened, and it was the same threatening stare as eight years ago the vocalist gave him. When the scary teenager showed his dislike to the possibilities of them underestimating him.

“Saw what?” Unfriendliness emphasized his tone. The vocalist put his legs back the floor. He laid his phone on the table.

Ryota closed his eyes.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Calm down, Kohama Ryota.

He opened his eyes. His fingers trembling, showed well what he felt at the moment. The vocalist stared deep into his subconsciousness as if he tried to unveil the secret he hid. What he want to tell.

“You and Toru. I saw you two were—”

“Oh! There you two!”

— _kissing_.

That moment, he lost his bravery. He swallowed back the last word he wanted to say the same time Tomo-kun joined them. The drummer's bright smile contrasted the air Mori-chan, and he created.

“Listen, I got a very very very very very good news.” Tomo-kun jumped to the sofa, his arm hugging the vocalist's shoulder. The vocalist who then pushed him away.

He tapped his palm, clasping his fingers with each other. “There's a very very very very very good ramen restaurant close from here!” He grinned, sounded proud to his finding. “They said the soup is very very very very very tasty, so, that's why, what if tonight we—Ryota? What happened?”

“Huh?” Confused, he stared at the drummer.

“You look pale.” The drummer switched his attention at the vocalist. Full of question, his stare was. “What happened with Ryota?”

Mori-chan rose from his seat. Putting back his phone to his pants pocket, he was ready to leave the room. The moment Mori-chan stared at him, sweat trailed his temple and jaw line. Which far too weird with the fact their room air-conditioned.

Ryota swallowed his saliva. As their eyes interlocked, he tried to draw his usual grin.

“Ask Ryota.”

Perhaps, his grin looked too weird. That was why, Mori-chan left. ~~~~


	2. #2 Everything Will Be All Right

‘ _Our friendship will never change, even when everything around us changing_.’—is something he'd say with his pride.

When he saw his friends kissed, not a slightest he doubted what would he hold until his last breath. Even if someone threatened him with a knife or put him at a gunpoint he'd never break their friendship.

Toru and Mori-chan would never change was something he believed to the core of himself. Toru will still be Toru, and so did Mori-chan. Whom they opted to stay with, or whom they loved would never affect their personality.

He thought this way. And, the other? Would they think the same way?

Thinking of it made him scared.

When in doubt he'd chant in the front of mirror to send the positivities to him and cease out the negativities. He kept doing it today, going back and forth to the bathroom, and in front of the dressing mirror. The pressures still lingered on his shoulders and back. His chest felt tight.

“Ah, shit.”

Leaning his back on the wall, Ryota slid to squat. He scratched his temple, his head, his neck and his left arm as if he hadn't taken a bath for three weeks. Resembled Betty, his dog, when she got attacked by mites he was. Smokes from the cigarette he sipped added a tone to the midnight sky when he blew it.

Today's gig had finished since an hour ago. He excused himself to smoke right away when the chance came. Sliding his hand to his hoodie pocket, he took out his phone. 1:15 a.m showed on the lock screen. He used a wallpaper Mori-chan designed. A 69 in a red color that contrasted the pitch black background, under it was his name written in a scary font clamped between two skull icons.

Cool.

“Lend me your Zippo.” A rasp baritone broke the quietness.

“Wait.” In a different pocket he put back his phone to, he took the lighter and threw it to the guy who crouched beside him. It didn't take long for another smokes to poison the fresh Yokohama's air.

“Not with Mori-chan?”

The guy beside him raised a brow, but then a thin smile adorned the elder's face. “Why asking?” The way he answered left him with a question in his head. As though the elder noticed something from his question. But, he shrugged it off.

The guitarist took a long drag of his cigarette. Which he did too. “Something bothered you?” Cloud of smokes followed as the guy talked.

Ryota blinked.

“Ah, I...” He grimaced. 

“Just tell me.”

He hung his head, taking another sip of his cigarette. Bittersweet spread on his bud, at the same time it made his tongue freeze.

He knew Toru the longest compared to the others in One OK Rock. In fact, they knew each other since they were kids. For simple, childhood friend. From Osaka to Tokyo, they grew up together. Toru was there when he got in a fight; he was there when Toru got bullied. Like a brother to him, Toru always helped him. Forget about helping him in studying, but if it wasn't because of Toru, how many times would he got deceived.

When he lost hope, Toru brought him a home called One OK Rock. Inside this home, there are his siblings.

Mori-chan and Tomo-kun.

Toru brought him a home, and a family. Toru introduced him of something he never thought he'd interested with before. Toru gave him a dream when he thought he had no more hope. Sometimes he did thought, what if Toru never gave him the bass? What would he become right now? A dancer? Yeah, maybe. How far?

He never wanted to imagine it.

A soft tap landed on his shoulder fished him back from his subconsciousness. Ryota glanced at the hand on his shoulder, it gave him another pats before squeezed his shoulder. He looked at the owner, Toru was staring at him. The leader's eyes drooped. Fatigue made Toru thirty than twenty-four. His stare was gentle.

“Getting cold, we still have a long way to go.” Toru stood. The elder's blond curls danced, swayed by the midnight wind.

He walked away, but then stopped after few steps. “You know, Ryota—” the guitarist glanced at him, pausing for another sip before he turned around and smiled.

“You can always count on me.”

Everything will be okay.

The weight burdened his shoulders left him as if the smokes that soared into the Yokohama's midnight sky. It ease him. Even if only for a bit. That moment he understood they are strong enough. They are not nobody. He should not be scared.

They should not be scared.

 

—

 

“Did you see, Tomo-kun?”

  
The staff he asked pointed to a room. Lucky for him the guy he searched for, leaving the room at the same time he said thank you to the staff. Without wasting more time he dashed towards the wavy-haired guy, who was talking and laughing at who knows who. “Tomo-kun!” He waved his arm.

“Ah, Ryota? What is it?” The drummer stared at him, waiting for him to talk with smile festooned his face.

Ryota huffed. He then squeezed the elder's shoulders and shook the guy. “You said there's a good ramen restaurant close by, right?”

Tomo-kun blinked in confusion. “Uh, uh... yeah.” His hair bounced when he nodded. “Why? Are you hungry?”

“Yes!” Ryota answered with no hesitation. His smile grew, still frowning. He felt dizzy and tired, but it was okay. Sleep comes later in this matter. “Let's go eat there.”

Tomo-kun laughed. “Okay, okay.” The elder's dazzling smile brought warmth to his heart, giving him another power. This is what he wanted to see from his friends. This is the power he wanted. “I will ask Takahiro and Toru, you wait here.” Tomo-kun tapped his back.

“No!” Ryota immediately grabbed the drummer's wrist as Tomo-kun turned back. Confused the drummer gave him a long stare.

He took a deep breath. “I need to talk with you,” his frown deepened, “about them.”

Their happiness is what he wanted.

The happiness for his best friends. His siblings. His family. Only their happiness. Especially when he was promised with smile on their face. He shoul not be afraid.

Everything will be all right.


	3. #3 Chopsticks

Confused he was when he saw the two of them kissing. Confused as in, he shocked even when he had guessed it since the start. How should he react? What should he do? He didn't understand. Different when he didn't know the answer for a question in Monster Rock, he knew the answer for this, but he surprised he was right. His brain overheated in that seconds.

“Do you understand that?”

“I think.” Tomo-kun downed the rest of his beer. Which he followed. The bitter and savoriness from the beer replaced the spicy, yet sweet flavour from the ramen soup.

Ryota wiped his lips with the back of his palm as he put the empty glass back to the table. The sound the glass made when the bottom met the table's surface, collided with slurping sounds from another customer beside them. “Do you want another?” He eyed their empty bowls and glasses. “On me.” Then he called the waiter after the drummer gave him a nod.

“The same one.” He told the waiter. The waiter responded with a nod while cleaning the table. “And, gyoza.” It was three in the morning, but let him filled his stomach with food.

“So,” Tomo-kun opened his mouth, fished his attention from the waiter's back.

Confused, he blinked. “So?”

The elder sighed and smiled. “About Toru and Takahiro,” he folded his arms on the table, “did you feel...”

For seconds he only gave his friend a long stare before he shook his head. Ryota reached for two pair of chopsticks. Inhale. Exhale. He released a pair from inside the wrapper. “Actually, I had guessed it from the start.” His thumbs trailed the chopsticks, feeling the soft wooden texture. He separated the chopsticks into two. Did it bad. A fragment from the left chopstick, still connected to the other.

“Yes?” 

He glanced at his friend who looked curious, waiting for his answer, before he laid his attention back to the chopsticks. His index finger trailed the side of the right chopstick where the left was connected with it. He felt the coarse texture. 

Toru and Mori-chan are like these chopsticks. They are a soul parted into two. Together they created love. They need each other to be perfect. The analogy is easy even a stupid guy as him understood.

“From the corner of my eyes,” he took another pair from the wrapper, this time he separated it perfectly, “I often found them interacted with each other.” He placed the two pairs side by side. “It looked normal just like us.” Ryota lifted his head, reflecting the elder in his brown irises.

“I mean, they laughed together for their joke, they sometimes showed each other their phone, or looked serious sometimes. Usual, we did it. But...” He took a deep breath, smelling the sweet and spicy soup within the air.

“However, the way they stared at each other, somehow different from how we did it.”

Tomo-kun nodded his head, smile still adorned his face. If outside was night, Tomo-kun was morning. “That's why you guessed they are more than a friend?”

Ryota shrugged. “Well, I don't know.” He lowered his head. “I tried to chase the thought out from my head, but,” he peered at the other guy who sat in another table, two table from their right. The guy raised his hand, calling the waiter for another bowl and glass. He stared back at the drummer, “I found Mori-chan touching Toru a lot. He caressed Toru's arms or back, in such a way, he'd do to his previous girlfriends.”

Their conversation paused when the waiter arrived at their table, bringing their beers and a plate with five fried gyozas with dipping bowl in the middle. 

“Thanks,” Tomo-kun said to the waiter.

“Y'know,” he started again, “Mori-chan always touching the girls he interested with a lot, right?” He stared at the drummer, waiting for confirmation.

Tomo-kun nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I noticed that too.”

“And Toru, one day, I think a month ago,” he heaved a long sigh, “I heard Toru saying, ‘Cute.’ when he saw Mori-chan talking with a staff. I thought it was the staff he meant. But, after that, many times I noticed Toru sometimes stared quietly at Mori-chan, and smiled.”

“Really?”

He took his beer and sipped it, wetting his lips and throat after the long talk he did. “Yeah.” He nodded while putting the glass down. “And with the fact they always stayed at each other place or gone somewhere together, sometimes I found them in a place far from the others, in the venues or our studio.”

“I...” Ryota ran his attention to the ceiling, counting how many lamps the 24 hours restaurant had. Six—nope, eight. “I don't understand how to explain it, but,” he gave his focus back on Tomo-kun, “here...”, he grabbed his t-shirt. Right where his heart hidden behind his ribs. “Here I could feel it.” How deep he frowned? He felt dizzy. “Something different happened between them.”

“I couldn't see Toru and Mori-chan's relationship like us.”

For a moment they just exchanged glances. As if they explored each other subconsciousness. Tried to find what in the other person's head. The silence broke when the waiter came back with the ramen they ordered.

“Continue,” Tomo-kun said after the waiter left.

Ryota sighed. “The thought took over my head.” He shifted his gaze to the chopsticks he had lined. “But, if you think I feel bad about them, the answer is no,” he said as he touched each pair of chopsticks with his fingers. “See this?”

The elder raised a brow, looking at him in confusion. “Chopsticks?”

“Chopsticks.”

“Mhm, chopsticks.”

Again, they exchanged glances, and laughed at the same moment the waiter welcomed a late-night visitor. To be honest, it helped him lifted the tense he felt on his shoulders and back.

He smiled weak. “For me, Toru and Mori-chan are like this.”

Tomo-kun snapped his fingers. “If one isn't there then you can't use it?” He pointed at the chopsticks. “If Toru or Takahiro isn't beside each other, they'll lose their balance, right? Is that one what you mean?”

“Yeah.”

The drummer raised a brow. “But, why two pairs?”

Ryota exchanged the right half of the chopsticks, positioning them with different left half. Tomo-kun frowned, he seemed forgetting the need to taste his ramen soup despite he held the soup spoon.

“If it's like this, I can still use it.” He took a pair and used it to take one gyoza he then bit. The oily texture greeted his lips. Under the air-conditioned room, the dumpling had turned cold. He chewed slow and placed back the pair he used to where it was at first.

“I could tell them, it's wrong for two males to fall in love.” he said after he swallowed. “Maybe after they got angry at me, two punches or more, they'd realize what I meant. I could convince them again, and again. Then they will be with a woman.” 

Ryota chuckled. Bitter. “Though, I don't know if Toru and Mori-chan would still consider me as a friend or not.”

He touched the chopsticks. “Like these chopsticks, they could still function, like usual.” He shrugged. “Nobody would hate them.”

That's true. One OK Rock would also be all right. Despite what happened between them and him, One OK Rock would still exist with no problem. They made songs, performed as always, as if nothing happened. As if Toru and Mori-chan never fall in love.

But...

“Like these chopsticks,” he touched the hollow gap between a pair, “they will never complete each other.” Because the chopsticks paired with the wrong pair. Not from what it began with.

They became an uncomplete puzzle. A soul with a wrong pair.

Ryota placed his palm on his chest, tightly he grabbed his t-shirt. “What should I do with the hollowness they felt?” He could feel it, the wetness on the corner of his eyes when he gave his friend a long stare.

“Can I still call myself their friend?” _Their family_.


	4. #4 Family

In a moment of silence between Tomo-kun and him, he heard the waiter's voice saying the automatic sentence as he placed the customer's order and a loud slurping after that held the quietness he had with Tomoya from becoming silence. Ryota stared at his best friend. His mouth shut tight with the heaviness in his chest suffocated him. His breath was in a normal and steady pace as if he stayed calm after what he said. When tears almost fell from the corner of his eyes. It stung him with warmth.

Tomo-kun was hanging his head, his hands folded on the table. The second bowl of their ramen had left untouched since they had it. He hoped the owner or the cook won't think the second bowl wasn't as tasty compared to the first bowl for them. He lost his appetite after the talk. The chopsticks? He left it untouched after the long talk he made. Maybe he should eat.

“Actually—” As he took a pair of chopsticks back to his held, Tomo-kun opened his mouth. The drummer let low chuckles out. His chubby shoulders inflated and deflated as he inhaled and exhaled. Tomo-kun raised his head. His brown irises that framed by small eyes stared at him. Tender and soft.

“Actualy I knew they're dating.”

Ryota's eyes widened. His heart thumped the ribs that caged it hard. “Eh?” He blinked his eyes. “What do you mean?”

The drummer smiled. “Last week they told me.”

“Really?” His forehead creased. Ah, his head hurt. Ryota ruffled his hair, trying to cease away the dizziness in his head. Too much having your brows knitted and your forehead crease were worst for your head. He placed his right palm on his mouth. “Why don't they tell me anything?” His eyes stared straight at the drummer's eyes. Despite he knew Kanki Tomoya always honest to him. Because it was how close they were.

Why Toru and Mori-chan hesitated to tell him the truth? Was there anything bothered them about him? Did they feel he won't accept their relationship? Or, were there another reasons? Then, what? Did he intimidated them with his look?

Too much questions! His head going to explode.

Ryota reached his beer and emptied its glass. Putting his glass back to the table, he the raised his hand—even though before he could raise it above his head, Tomo-kun grabbed his wrist with his left hand. The drummer raised his right hand.

“Please bring us two glasses of tea.” Tomo-kun glanced at him, curling his lips before he nodded at the waiter who asked was it the only things they wanted. “We still have show tomorrow.” The elder took the chopsticks. Ryota lifted a brow when the drummer placed it in his held before the drummer patted his fingers. 

Tomo-kun grinned. “Let's eat.”

Ryota shrugged. He glanced at the chopsticks. With no hesitation he held his ramen's bowl and sipped the soup. It was no hotter than fingertip's warmth—but it calmed him.

The tangled noodles resembled his mind since he saw his best friends kissed each other this morning. He knew it was weird, but with the simple understanding he had towards their relationship, what would be deemed as weird would be his acceptance. But, for him, their happiness was what he wanted. Toru and Mori-chan would think like this too, didn't they?

Then he thought, what if people denied their relationship?

Ryota bit the inside of his cheek as he stared at his trembling hand. Haunted by what once happened to them, he couldn't help but to fear. What if they failed to stand back? Because people disgusted with the relationship between their guitarist and vocalist. Since, he understood, not all people would accept them as easy as Tomoya and him did.

“What happened?” Tomo-kun's question fished him back. The elder smiled. Warmed his heart. The drummer laid his chopsticks on top of his bowl. “You can ask them tomorrow.” Of why they didn't tell him.

Tomo-kun took a deep breathe. He drank his tea—who knows when the waiter brought it?—than his beer. “The one who'll know the answer are them.” A grin adorned the elder's face after he wiped his lips with the back of his palm.

A long sing escaped Ryota's mouth. He nodded his head. Weak. “All right...” His voice dropped to almost a soft whisper. Another sigh came out from his mouth.

“Anything else bothering you?”

Was it shown all clear on his face? What he felt? Ryota nodded weakly. “I—” His grip on the chopsticks tightened. He bit his bottom lip as he hung his head, staring at his own feet. There were few drops of ramen soup colored his white sneakers. 

“I'm scared.”

“Of what?” Tomo-kun sounded concerned.

His grip on the chopsticks turned into a grab. His hand was shaking. His breath was hunting. Suffocated by a sudden hazardous thought drowned him. “What if people knows? And—” He shrugged.

“Thinking of what happened before?”

Bitter, Ryota chuckled. It was hard to lift his head to look at Tomo-kun. “We got a huge backlash back then. We needed to pull our single from the market, went into hiatus.” He paused. “Depressed.” He thought that time was their end. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. 

He lifted his head, reflecting the drummer in his brown eyes. “When I saw them doing it, I got an answer. At the same time I got more questions.”

He gulped his saliva to wet his throat. “The thought of: What if people knows? What if they won't accept Toru and Mori-chan's relationship? What if what happened before happens again? They deny their relationship, we have another backslashes, we will be pushed into another hiatus.” When they just started walking the world. “What'll happen to One OK Rock? W-What if it worst than before? Since I saw them these questions keeps jumping in my head. I—” Ryota hardened his jaw. “I feel I want to scream.”

“Loud.”

Ryota noticed how the other customers peered at them when he slammed the chopsticks to the table. He ruffled his hair with both of his hands. His back leaned against the chair, eyes staring at the ceiling. 

“I want them to be happy.” His hands then fell limp to his side. “I want us to be happy.”

Was it too hard to gain?

“Those questions stressed me.” His voice trembled, and his tone almost like whined. “I don't know where to find the answers... But...”

“But?”

Ryota closed his eyes. “But there's one thing I know from the beginning: I'm stupid.” 

“That's why I'll stay being stupid.” His laugh came out weak.

What important was how should he tell them he saw them kissing? With the fact they told Tomo-kun about their relationship but not him yet, perhaps there was something about him bothered them. What kind of sentence should he use to tell them? That he supports their relationship.

Because for him, in a home called 'One OK Rock', Toru, Mori-chan and Tomo-kun are his siblings. 

His family. 

No matter what happens he'll always support their back.

Friendship between men.

He fixed his sitting position to face Tomo-kun once again. “As long as we're happy, everything will be all right, right?” For the first time he smiled without a frown adorned his face. The pressures left his back and shoulders.

Tomo-kun stood from his chair to sit beside him. His arm hugged his shoulders. “Then, don't be scared anymore.” Gently the drummer punched his chest. He chuckled. “Believe as long as the four of us together, everything will be fine.” The elder's smile grew wider. His night had became morning. The sun rose, depicted by Tomo-kun's smile. He wanted Toru and Mori-chan to smile too. Wide. Until their cheeks hurts.

“Everything will be okay.” The drummer raised his fist. 

He pitted his knuckle against the drummer's. “Yeah! I'll do like always then.” His tone sounded bright and cheerful. “I'll chant to the mirror ‘Everything will be all right, Everything will be all right’. After taking shower, after I used the toilet, before I sleep! Then, everything will be all right, don't you agree, Tomo-kun?”

The drummer grinned. “Absolutely!”

Then, together they shared their laugh. He can breathe again. His shoulders relaxed. He didn't feel scared again. He had his family.

“Let's eat then, Ryota! Before the ramen freeze.”

Ryota stared at the drummer. Full of question Tomo-kun stared back at him. “I'll tell them tomorrow.” About everything. And, how as long as they are together, nothing should be afraid of. “Will you help me?”

Together they are strong. As siblings. As family. _As One OK Rock_.

“Of course.”

Everything will be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting and for reading :)


	5. #5 C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h.

Ryota sighed. Clutching tight on the chopstick, he stated at the man who had been busying himself with laptop since ten minutes ago. Musical beats sounded irregular or messy, melodious or discordant as Mori-chan tried to arrange. Expression told how Mori-chan focused.

Another sigh slid out from his mouth. Tomo-kun said, he'd get lungs disease if he kept sighing over and over. With his frequent deflated and inflated lungs.

He propped his back against the couch. Leaning wasn't helpful at all, the tension in his muscles still hurting his neck. He fixed his gaze at the ceiling and started counting how much lamp their room in Yokohama Arena had. Somehow, it had became a new habit. At the restaurant, his hotel bedroom, or even toilet. A work to calm himself.

Ryota grimaced, scratching his neck's side. The need to scream thumped his ribcages hard. Glancing at Mori-chan, he again sighed and lowered his head. Chopsticks in his held had his attention, a pair of chopsticks that turned into drumbeater as he drumming his thighs. Like today he gonna replaced Tomo-kun on stage and he became nervous because of it. Tomo-kun became the bassist.

Inhaling, Ryota sig—”If you keep sighing, I'll throw you with this laptop.”

This time he kept the oxygen in his lungs.

“Do-don't do that, it's going to be a waste of laptop.” Grin fluttered in the face, but he giggle instead with the killer stare Mori-chan threw him. Lion's stare as it ready to kill a deer. However, than eat him, Mori-chan probably would just rip him and leave.

Mori-chan closed the laptop. “If there's something you want to say, just say it, Stupid.” The vocalist slammed his back into the sofa. Both legs stretched out on the table, right next to the neglected laptop. Cigarette pack under his heel.

“That's Toru's cigarette, right?” He emphasized his sentence, and it sounded more like ‘ _That's your boyfriend's cigarette, right?_ ’. “Why putting your feet on it?”

Mori-chan lifted an eyebrow, staring him with curiosity mixed with annoyance. Without anything he said, the vocalist grabbed the pack and place it on top of Toru's acoustic guitar, that dominated the long sofa. Placing his feet on the floor, Mori-chan busied himself with the smartphone, ignoring him who sat in front of him, separated by the coffee table. While he got forced to stare at Mori-chan's annoyed face.

Why do Tomo-kun refuse his accompany for a walk to the minimarket across the arena, and instead forcing Toru to come along?

On the wall, the clock showed 1:25 in the afternoon. In around thirty minutes they needed to be ready for Yokohama's second day's rehearsal. He had never be impatient to get on the stage and make a blast with his bass. Blasting the bass always helped him to calm himself, with the adrenaline pumped high as his ears pounded by Tomo-kun's energetic drumming, Toru's passionate guitar shred, and perfected with Mori-chan's powerful high-keyed singing voice.

Ryota's fingers moved in the air, ignoring the fact he was leaning his head on the couch nor that he'd his bass with him. Air bass.

“ _Dem dem dem, dem dem dem_...” Sounds more like _damn damn damn_ than ‘Deeper Deeper’' intro.

And, an empty cardboard cup flew toward him. Landed on his forehead before plunged at the floor.

“Fucker! You're so noisy!”

Ryota grunted, rubbing his forehead eventhough he felt no pain. “Mori-chan,” the _chan_ 's part extended like a _chaaan_ , like a child whined at his mother, "calm down.”

"Talk to your own hand.” Mori-chan snorted. Leaning forward, he placed the phone on the table, and stared at him. Mori-chan resembled a thug who interrogated him into telling where his boss is. “What's your problem?”

“No—”

Silence.

Ryota swallowed. Eyeballs rolled into his eyes' corner. “There's nothing.”

Sarcastic chuckles trembled his eardrums.

Silence came again.

Ryota had his focus fell back to the chopsticks. He rubbed the smooth surface with his thumbs back and forth. Hot. His thumb felt hot. Hot. Too hot like the corner of his eyes. Until smile became hard to do. Something—someone pressed his ribs together. The tightness rose towards his head. Dizzy.

“You saw it right?”

Silence, silence.

“Saw us kissing. Toru and I.”

Just silence. As his stomach twisted and someone turned the world upside down. Nauseous. He never knew since when he clenched the chopsticks too tight, until the sharp edges pierced his palms.

“I...”

“Do you hate it?” Mori-chan asked with mother-like tone, soft and firm, giving an urge to confess with tenderness.

Ryota shook his head.

Mori-chan took a breath. “...Great...”

“Are you upset?”

“Angry.”

“So am I.”

Their gaze met in silence, probing. Mori-chan looked away, his slender fingers moving around delicate neck. “You're angry?” Disbelief sounded clearly.

“Yep.”

“Why?”

Ryota intertwined his fingers, eyes closed, listening to his heartbeats. Bathump, bathump, bathump. It thumped his ribs and eardrums. Lips opened, closed, opened, closed.

“Just tell me,” Mori-chan hurried.

Eyelids opened, he fixed his gaze towards the vocalist. Intense. A man who despite made him scared, but closer to him more than Toru. Always helping and defending him, in each time he needed.

He squeezed his left fist with right fingers. The air conditioner worked too great, but his palms sweated. “Why told only Tomo-kun? What about me, Mori-chan?”

Mori-chan just stared at him straight before turned his face away.

Ryota hung his head. Chopsticks felt heavy in his grasp. “Am...” he breathed, trying to hold the emotions threatened to spill, “Am I cannot be trusted?” Awkward weak laughs escaped his mouth.

Ah, shit.

“Let's wait for the others to come back.”

Eyes closed, “All right.”

Silence again filled the room, outside he heard the footprints jerking. Either from running staff or running. Shouting indicated busyness. Silence crashed as a girl knocked on the door and told them they had to be ready within ten minutes.

Mori-chan raised his fist, thumb stuck out.

The staff moved her attention to him.

He nodded.

Silence came again, but was driven away as soon as Toru and Tomo-kun joined. One OK Rock was back together.

“Sorry, sorry for the wait,” Tomo-kun said in cheerful tone perfected with a big smile on the face. The drummers eyes were two curved lines. He raised plastics he held in each hand to his chest. The savory aroma and mayonnaise lingered in the air.

”Takoyaki,” Toru revealed the red boxes' content. The man grabbed his guitar and moved it aside, his butt slammed the couch. Cigarette pack back to the table. “This fucker ended up queuing for it.” He threw the masker he wore, it landed on top of the pack.

Tomo-kun sighed. “You really didn't know how takoyaki's scent hypnotizing me and suddenly there were takoyaki balls jumped in my head, urging me to buy it. I drolled even when my stomach had full with our lunch. That saba, tempura, rice and miso felt like hadn't enough for my stomach, I destined to buy it!” He patted his stomach. “I need this Takoyaki.”

Toru raised his hands in defeat, and snorted.

“Oh, I bought all of you a box! Don't be shy, eat it all, I already got the staffs their takoyakis too.” Tomo-kun grinned as he placed the red boxes on the coffee table.

Weak, Ryota smiled. “Thank you.”

“Are you okay?” Tomo-kun asked, a brow raised, “No, no, are you all right?”

‘Everything will be alright.’

The mantra he said for 15 minutes in front of the mirror before he showered, and 15 minutes after he took a shower this morning. His gaze met the drummer's gaze.

The drummer's eyebrows drew together, and the eyes closed. It was as if the man knew what had happened without the need for his mouth to explain.

Hanging his head, Ryota didn't pay attention to what happened around him. Drowned inside the chaos in his head. And, it'd never be about the fact that his best friends were a couple. A gay couple. A fact of why they told only Tomo-kun and included him out was enough to keep him awake until his girlfriend told him to sleep.

Ryota did not pay attention to what happened. Soluble in the head in the head. Not because the problems of his two best friends are same-sex couples. Not. The reason why they just tell Tomo-kun that keeps him awake until his lover forces him to sleep.

“Wait a minute.” Toru's bariton signalled him to raise his head.

The guitarist marched towards and locked the door after he told their manager and staffs to not come closer to the room. We have important thing to talk about, Toru said.

Mori-chan...

He hid his expression beneath the bangs of his raven hair. It strands curled and fluffy.

And, Tomoya sat in a chair in the corner of the room. When their eyes met, he smiled, the best smile the drummer had, and held up his thumb. Don't worry, he mouthed.

Ryota smiled. Thank you, he motioned his lips.

The guitarist propped himself back in the sofa. Elbows on his knees. Fingers interrwined. A pair of deep set eyes stared into the depths of his consciouness.

“Listen,” Toru opened.

Ryota flinched. A bit. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Mori-chan staring at Toru. The beats behind the ribs increased its rhythm speed. He focused on Toru. Again.

The guitarist opened his mouth, “Takahiro and I, we're dating.", told them the secrets they shared together.

Relieve.

He felt relieved.

The confession that Yamashita Toru and Moriuchi Takahiro gave him a huge relief. Part of his body loosened. He glanced at the chopsticks, the light brown turned deeper because of his sweat. Smile adorning his face as he stared at both Toru and Taka. “Congratulations.”

In a rhyme both nodded. Mori-chan still held his eyes against the floor, and Toru stared into his eyes with confident smile on his face.

_Congratulations._

_Thank goodness._

“Saw us...” Mori-chan's voixe cracked, this time he saw pair of dark irises that were always burning in passion reflected him. “You saw us kissing, isn't it what you wanted to say?” The vocalist shrugged, “Until this gluton came and disturbed you.” Eyes darted at Tomo-kun.

“The ramen is good.” The drummer grinned.

Mori-chan approached Tomo-kun and gave him one good smack at the back of his head.

Tomo-kun moaned in pain.

Toru sighed. “Quiet! We're talking seriously here!”

Ah...

Ryota nodded.

This is indeed his family. Nothing has changed, though there is something different.

“Yes,” he answered with a voice lower than Tomo-kun's painful moan. “How do you know?” he asked after Tomo-kun stopped.

The question successfully made the only couple in the room turned to look at him with one eyebrow raised. Their hair were interesting, one fried noodle and the other uncooked ramen. Was it what people called couple style?

What is it called a couple's style?

Mori-chan clicked his tongue. “I wonder why are we this stupid?” Approaching him, he felt a huge pain in his head.

“Hurt!” Ryota yelled.

“How the fuck we didn't know if you walked away yelling, Stupid!”

Eh?

Ryota gasped.

Toru exaggerated his sigh. “You hold your cheeks while yelling: ‘Ah, uh, Mori-chan and Toru?! Ah, uh, Mori-chan and Toru?!” The guitarist mimicked what sounded like a Kohama Ryota tone while doing it.

Ryota with all his disbelief, looking at Mori-chan and Toru alternately. “Do I?”

Both nodded. In a rhyme.

Tomoya slapped his forehead, and shook his head.

“O-oh...”  Ryota blinked, grinning wide. _What a stupid dude you are while in shock, Kohama Ryota!_ Chopsticks drummed his cheeks as punishment. Looking back, was that way Mori-chan looked scary? Because they knew he saw.

“Toru-san,” Mori-chan called.

Toru smiled gently at his lover, like his touch on Mori-chan's shoulder.

Lover.

Could they call them lover? It gave a nice ring in his ears.

Toru averted his gaze towards him. “Tomoya told me about it.”

Tomo-kun nodded after he glanced.

“About?” Ryota asked.

“Why we don't tell you yet,” Taka answered.

Toru nodded his shoulders. “We thought, it isn't the right time.” He scratched his left ear, exhaling a soft breathe. “Because your friend.”

“Manabu-san?”

“Yes...”

“I understand...”

Kato Manabu was a senior in high school. A B-Boy. Although he had been preoccupied with One OK Rock at that time, he from time to till was still come visited Manabu-san and the rest of his acquaintance in B-Boy or breakdancing community. Manabu-san helped a lot too, and even when his parents didn't send him money, he'd lend him and at times, never asked to have it back.

A week ago Manabu-san committed suicide.

Toru smiled. “That's why we...”

“It's okay, I understand.” Ryota smiled back. “I thought it was because both of you didn't believe in me.” He grimaced.

“Fool.” Taka snorted.

“Sorry.”

“Sorry, we're all stupid."

Laughter filled the room. So warm.

Mori-chan stopped laughing, smile finally adorned the vocalist's face.

“Thank you for well,” Mori-chan held up both hands, “sorry that I fell in love with Toru and not any of you.”

“Because I'm the most handsome and cool.” Toru replied, eyebrows twitching.

“Gachapin is more handsome, Toru-san.”

“I'm great.”

Silence.

“In bed.”

And, the silence grew until Tomo-kun coughed. Toru grumbled somehow, until Mori-chan laughed alone.

Tomo-kun moved to the back of the sofa where he sat. The drummer's hands tapped his shoulders. “Ryota actually accepts you from the beginning. You have to hear the theory of chopsticks, I wanted to cry when I heard it. The man chuckled.

Ryota blushed. “To-Tomo-kun...” Sneaking, he pocketed the chopsticks.

“Chopsticks?” Simultaneously lover couple asked with a curious expression.

“I...that's...uh...”

“I'll tell you the details later.” Tomo-kun squeezed his shoulders. “About your relationship, what Ryota thinks is what if people do not think the same. Right?”

“A-ah...”

“Ryota is also confused about how uncomfortable you are if you know he saw you.”

The moment Mori-chan and Toru turned to him, heat immediately spread on his heeks. Ryota grimaced while scratching the back of his head. He took a deep breath. “But my stupid thought then spoke, as long as we are together,” he bit his under lip, “I think we'll be fine.”

“Stupid.” Tomoya tapped him on the shoulders. “But the best.” The man sat on the arm of the sofa and put his arm around his shoulder.

Ah.

Ryota raised his right hand and wiped away the tears that began to gather in the corner of his eyes.

“For that,” Tomoya continued, “don't worry, we'll always support your back. Because we are family!” With all his strenght, Tomoya smacked his back. Than pain, calmness and strength penetrated him.

“You guys are stupid but it sounds smart too.” _Mori-chan..._

“Thank you.” _Toru..._

Both smiled. Both were happy.

So did he.

_Happy_.

Ryota stared at his three best friends in turn, looking at the family that gives him the same warmth as the house created by those who share the blood with him. “I guess because we're all stupid, We can be friends and family.” His irises sparkled and a big smile graced the face.

“Don't compare me to you.”

He no longer had the burden he felt on his shoulders and back, because they support him together.

“Mori-chan, you _tsunde_ -ats!”

Weights that no longer felt heavy; that felt light. So light.

“It's just a cardboard cup! Your reaction is too much, Stupid! Ryota is stupid!”

“Have you finished talking? Hurry get ready for the rehearsal.”

“Oh, the manager called.”

“Tomoya.”

“Hm? What's wrong, Toru?”

Iron would became as light as a goose feather when they carry it together.

“We'll eat at the ramen restaurant you said tonight.”

Ryota smiled, looking at the guitarist who opened the door and stepped out. Mori-chan trailed his lover in a hurry after again throwing him with an empty cardboard glass. This time it missed.

“Come on, Tomo-kun.” He stood up, following his two friends who left first, with the drummer. Arm hugged the drummer's shoulder.

“Toru! You pay!” Tomoya yelled, grinning and staring at him as they stared at each other.

_Wherever he goes. No matter how far it is. No matter what happens. His last goal is home._

_One OK Rock is his home._

_Yamashita Toru, Moriuchi Takahiro, and Kanki Tomoya are his siblings._

_His family._

_All the stories he has. Either a sadness, a fear or a happiness are only they will be the place to share. No matter what difference they have. A friend is a friend. A family is family. If this way of thinking is called stupid, then forever he'll never be smart. As long as from the corner of his eyes, only happiness he could find on his friend's face._

_His family._

  


  


  


_******* _   
_**C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h.** _   
_**FiN** _   
_******* _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^_^  
> Thank you for the kudos and comments  
> (≧∇≦)/  
> Thank you thank you thank you  
> I hopeeee I can satisfy you with this last chapter
> 
> See you in another fic!
> 
> Zen ❤  
> December 18, 2017


End file.
